birth control should be required to get into college
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
