I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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