Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
