What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
