just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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