just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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