Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
love makes seman taste better
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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