she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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