i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Randomize
