You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
