There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
