oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
