He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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