that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
God, I missed his penis.
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