You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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