Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
