Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i came on her dog
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
