dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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