I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
