We named our party play list daddy issues
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
