Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
