I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
