I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
