First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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