Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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