Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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