the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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