yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
