i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
