it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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