Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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