well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
