My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
