Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
