I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
