you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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