dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize