Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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