i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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