Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
