No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
