Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
