I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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