watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize