Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
