we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
