cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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