If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
