Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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