i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
do nipples grow back?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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