I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
