Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
