I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
