'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
