clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm both gender and math confused
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
