I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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