i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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