Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
